London

I cannot recommend London too highly...as a destination to be avoided at all costs. It is filthy, over-priced, over-rated, over-crowded; the transport system is worse than many third world countries and you will be treated with contempt and disdain as you queue for hours in the pouring rain to see waxworks of St Diana and be ripped-off by the cream of Europe's scam artists.

Here is just one example of their helpful, considerate, user-friendly transport facilities, introduced at the same time as the infamous bendy buses which burst into flames at arbitrary intervals (even when not under attack from terrorists) and block just about every junction in the city, all in the cause of easing congestion. Actually, avoiding public transport altogether is guaranteed to reduce stress levels, dramatically improve your personal finances and put you closer to the real city. Since deciding to walk everywhere, not only do I tend to arrive on time, but have started to enjoy some of the interesting bits of London, not to mention losing several kilos and feeling particularly virtuous.

There are a few redeeming features such as the free art galleries and museums, but if you have limited time you will get far more out of England by leaving the capital as fast as possible. Contrary to what the (London based) media tell you, there is life beyond Watford and 80% of the population live there.

As you will have read, the UK has one of the few police forces in the world which is unarmed...except when carrying weapons. These officers are reserved for very high security areas such as airports, stations, supermarkets, school playgrounds, public toilets...

The same paranoid obsession with "security" is also the justification for not having litter bins. Oh, yes, did I mention, filthy; but are doggy dos a potential terrorist threat? So, to save you time and lots of money here is a picture of Big Ben (yes, I know!). Now you have seen it and can go and enjoy the rest of England.